


Writing To The Void

by losttinjapan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Letters, Marvel Universe, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad, Sad Ending, Writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26597305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losttinjapan/pseuds/losttinjapan
Summary: A series of letters written to Peter Parker, from his girlfriend while he was stuck in the soul stone.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Original Character(s), Peter Parker/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Prologue

Sierra sat cross-legged atop of her fluffy white bed covers. A blue pen in one hand, as she wrote down the answers to her Chemistry homework in her book. The lyrics to Zayn's 'Dusk till Dawn' drifted through the air of her medium sized bedroom. The bedroom which held all of her childhood memories. Small brown teddy bears littering the shelves, posters of all her favourite singers and bands were neatly hung up on the cream coloured walls, a fluffy white rug complemented the dark wooden floorbeads which lay beneath her. Multiple pictures of her and her family and best friend could be seen pinned to a large corkboard in the corner of the room, right next to the wardrobe that held all of her clothes both old and new. 

Her brown locks of hair flew in front of her face, as she bobbed her head up and down, every once in a while. Lyrics to the song rolling off her tongue as she continued to fill in her homework. The pen scratching across the paper as it formed lines of words. Her hand then cramping as she dropped the pen onto her opened book, cramping from the amount of words she had just handwritten. Sierra tried to soothe the cramp as she brought her other one over towards it. But stopped, as soon as a loud knock could be heard from the outside of her bedroom. A knock that could be identified as something that would soon change your life.

"Come in." Sierra yelled to whoever was outside her door.

The person outside turned the oak door knob and walked in. Their footsteps loudly stepping across the wooden floorboards because of the boots they wore. Sierra looked up the sudden presence and her eyes widened as she spotted Tony Stark, the famous, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist standing before her. He wore, what looked like a million dollar suit and a pair of expensive sunglasses as he took a seat at the desk chair nearest him, and spinning around to face the female. Sierra was confused. She wanted answers to why THE Tony Stark was sat inside her bedroom right at this very moment.

"Uh....can i help you?" the brunette female asked confusingly, as she now sat at the very edge of her bed awaiting for an answer. Tony Stark's expressionless face soon shifted to a sad one, trying to form sentences on how he was to break the news to Peter Parker's girlfriend. The very news that nobody should ever have to hear. 

"H-he's gone. Peter's gone." he finally managed to get out, before he got up and left. The sounds of his boots could be heard until they faded away and there was nothing left to hear. Sierra's eyes widened. She didn't want to believe it, heck she couldn't believe it. She wouldn't let herself cry over something like this, because she wouldnt even let her own self believe that Peter Parker. Her Peter Parker. The boy who was the most innocent and sweetest boyfriend ever was gone. 

Quickly and quietly, Sierra snatched her phone off of the bedside table and opened it. Her fingers flew across the phone's keyboard as she typed a message to her boyfriend, Peter and clicked send. She waited. Waited for any sort of response. Seconds turned into minutes, which then turned into an hour and still no response from him. It was only then that she realised that Stark had been right, he truly was gone. Her heart felt like it had shattered in to millions of small pieces, broken like it was beyond repair. Sierra then placed phone back and fell back against her bed, onto the pillows. Now letting all of the tears that she held in, finally fall freely. Each tear came streaming down the sides of her cheeks as she cried, her hair messily spread across the white pillow on her bed. She continued to cry until she had fallen asleep. Her cheeks all red now from all the crying she had done.

She wanted it to be a dream. A stupid nightmare that she could wake up from the next day and her boyfriend would be alive and breathing like he should be. But sometimes, things just don't work out like how we want them to.


	2. Letter 1

Dear Peter.

You know that feeling you get, when you have a really bad breakup with an ex and you feel completely heartbroken afterwards. Like you feel like your heart has shattered into millions of small pieces. The feeling of hopelessness when you feel like you will never get over that ex, and move on. That's what i have been feeling right now. Its been two days since Tony Stark had come and shown up on my doorstep to explain to me that you had somehow disappeared because of Thanos' snap. Or atleast that is who i was told, was in charge of getting rid of half of the entire universe.

Its been two entire days, since i lost you. Since i lost the very person i have truly cared about. The one person who always managed to bring a smile upon my face. The one person who was just the sweetest soul in the entire universe. And the very person who would continuously go out each night and fight crime. I had lost my boyfriend and best friend.

I can't cope with your disappearence. Its just all too much. We were supposed to grow old together, get married, start a family and heck even die together. But those plans are ruined now. My eyes are now always red and puffy from the amount of crying i have done in the past few nights. Not bothering to hold back my tears any longer, as i would continue to cry into my pillow at night. Not being able to fall asleep in fear of being awoken by nightmares of reliving the way i felt when Mr Stark told me of you disappearing.

It hurts. Peter. It bloody hurts to know that we will no longer be able to have those late night talks of ours after your patrols. That i wont be able to touch, let alone kiss you at all anymore. You should be here with me. Here with Mr Stark, your friends and me. Not out wherever you are now, after you disappeared. 

It's hard to focus in school, when I know that you're not with me, by my side like you usually are. It's like you basically just vanished off of the face of the earth. Well....when technically speaking you kinda did. But thats not the point right now. The point is that i miss you and will always love you. Even though you are not here physically.

Please come back to me, Peter Parker. I'd do anything to have you back in my arms again.

Love,  
Sierra Kenzie.  
xox.  
~  
the girl who hurts.


	3. Letter 2

Dear Peter

The summer break ended yesterday and i started back at school. Usually, I'd be excited to go back. I'd be excited to go back and meet up with my best friends, prepare to learn whatever topics they'd teach us, best of all I'd get too see you. But now all the first day fills me with is dread. Dread because i know now that you won't be awaiting me in those locker-filled halls to walk me to class, and you won't send me that smile you possess, that lights up my whole world. It kills me whenever i let my thoughts wander to you. 

Eleanor's been a great friend and supporting me through this rough time. She keeps saying it's completely healthy to grieve when you lose a lost one. She has been there for me whenever i would wake up screaming at night. Screaming my lungs out, tears filling my usually happy eyes when that same night I was told of your disappearence keeps playing in my nightmares like a record. Eleanor would often always try to crack jokes around me, to atleast get me to smile at least a little bit. It usually only works for a little while before my thoughts tend to drift all the way back to you and how we'd try to make each other laugh with the corny jokes we would tell each other.

No matter how much i appreciate Eleanor's attempts to keeping my happy. It doesn't seem to be enough. The grief I'm suffering from is unbearable and your empty presence from my life isn't helping the pain either and Eleanor can just do so much for me. As she isn't really suffering from the same amount of this feeling as i am, because her father and everyone she loves is technically still here. They didn't disappear, well apart from Ned and MJ. Sure she was best friends with you as well, and friends have the right to grieve other friends. I just-- I feel like it's harder for me to grieve your loss--i mean disappearance. I still have the little bit hope that your possibly still alive out there and not dead. Like you're just trapped somewhere, like a dark void aching to get out and return back home. Return back home to me.

Please Peter Parker, I just want you by my side again. 

I love you,  
Sierra Kenzie.

xox.  
~  
the girl who wants you to return.


	4. Present

Sierra's running shoe-clad feet shuffled along the school hallway as she walked towards the cafeteria, to meet with her friends. The straps of the old and worn out backpack she used, was thrown across both her shoulders as she continued along her trek with the hopes to get some decent food into her stomach. Her hair was tied messily into a bun atop her head, with a few stray strands left out. The outfit she wore currently, consisted of an old gray t-shirt, navy blue jeans and a pair of worn-out running shoes; which once upon a time would of been a plain white colour. But now with all the dirt and mud that caked the sides of them, it was hard to tell.

Sierra's day would continue to play out in the same order usually. She'd wake up, get changed lazily, put on a decent amount of makeup to cover up the tear stains that had been left from the previous night's crying, before going to school for the day. The Kenzie girl wouldn't bother to put in enough effort into her outfit to care how she looked. As ever since Peter had mysteriously disappeared just days ago, she'd been too preoccupied in grieving him than to care about her own health and well-being. These circumstances soon lead her older brother, Xander and best friend, Eleanor to remind the grief-stricken female to either eat, or shower.

Sierra's eyes roamed around the many heads in the cafeteria room, before landing on the female brown hair of her best and only friend at the moment, Eleanor. She let out a quick sigh before steering herself into the direction of the other girl. The backpack she carried on her back now only fitted to one of her shoulders, as she dodged the other student's in her path before making over to her destination. Eleanor looked up in response to seeing her best friend's shoes stop at the lunch table she was seated at currently.

"Didn't think you'd be coming to school today, Sierra." Eleanor paused, taking a quick bite of her salad she had been eating quickly. "You know, with the whole Peter situation going on."

Sierra rolled her eyes, as she took a seat down in front of her friend. The backpack she had was now set down atop of the table, with the girl herself digging around for her lunch. The loud chatter of the Midtown cafeteria suddenly seeming to of ceased completely, to only a few whispers that drifted around from student to student. Both Eleanor's and Sierra's eyebrows raised up in confusion, at this sudden change. The two girls also shared a glance to each other. 

"Why did the talking suddenly stop?" Sierra finally spoke the question that had seemed to be on both the girl's mind in that moment. But only managing to get a shrug out of the other, because their eyes had now landed on two figures making their way over. Both brunettes gulped nervously as the two students had stopped in front of their table. What looked like a smirk stretched across one of their faces. The other held a some sort of pitying one.

"Where's your boyfriend? Did he disappear like all the rest of your loser friends?" A boy, that they had recognised as Sierra's brother, Xander's best friend questioned. His smirk only seemed to drop though, when the table suddenly shifted and he felt a stinging pain remaining on his left cheek. Eleanor had slapped him. She had slapped him for bringing up a touchy subject towards her friend. The boy on the receiving end of the slap just muttered out a short 'bitch' before storming off in the opposite direction again. Xander sent another pitying look towards his sister and her friend, before following after his own friend.


	5. Letter 3

Dear Peter

Its been a few weeks now, since i had heard the devastating news of your disappearence. It's been hard for me, hard for me to cope without you. I'm not even sure I can keep going on, but i try. I try to because I still have the tiniest bit of hope inside of me, that you'll return. Return to me. However, there is also that other part that is telling me that you're never coming back. You're gone, and there is nothing nobody can do about it.

School is a struggle for me now. I can't focus properly in class. I can't even do my homework without being reminded of your presence. Which now lacks. I feel like my grades have been slipping and I rarely speak up in classes anymore. At this point in time, I feel like I'm going to fail this year and will most likely have to repeat for the following. My teacher's seem to have noticed my quite large change in attitude, and attendance. But they don't bother to do anything about it. It's like I'm constantly feeling like just a shell of my former, bubbly self. Like I'm broken and beyond repair. 

The closest thing I seem to have left you, and one of the only things that have been keeping me sane right now. Is the sweatshirts I have managed to steal from you, in the past months we had been dating. I don't wash them obviously. I don't want to remove any of your scent from them. I feel like that kind of sounded creepy, but I promise I'm not trying to be. I'm just a simple, now-broken teenage girl wanting to grieve over her boyfriend and best friend in peace.

I forever will love you, Peter Parker.  
Please return to me.

I love you again.  
Sierra Kenzie.  
xox.  
~  
the girl who is just trying to remain sane.


	6. flashback

Sierra sat cross-legged atop the fluffy covers on her bed, her chocolate-brown hair was done into a messy bun, and she was still wearing her pyjamas. One of which was in fact, an old jumper of her boyfriend Peter's that he use to leave in her bedroom all the time. But now since his disappearance it remained in her room, the same scent of Peter still lingered on it after all these weeks. And it truly helped get Sierra to sleep at night. 

The female gently chewed the end of her pencil, a habit she had been accustomed to ever since she got back in the routine of doing her homework, since Peter's vanishing. Her mind constantly tried to work out the answers to the maths problems on the page of her notebook; trigonometry, something she was never really good at. She would most often get Peter to help her, but now that he wasn’t here she was stuck doing it herself. Sierra rubbed her eyes tiredly, still struggling with the many questions littering the page. If only Peter were here, she sighed thoughtfully. 

“Peter!” Sierra drawled out his name, a pillow firmly set in her lap as she looked over at her boyfriend who was currently working on his own homework, next to her. His messy brown hair fell in his face as he continued to fill in the answers. Ignoring, his girlfriend in the process. 

“Drop the homework, I’m bored.” She firmly stated, grabbing hold of his homework and moving it away from him. Hoping, that this would put his attention onto her rather than the paper instead. Peter just looked up, and reached out to grab the homework from Sierra, who only proceeded to move it further away from him. Small giggles escaped from her lips as she got up, from her bed and stood a little ways in front of the boy. 

“Come on, Sierra! Give it back.” He whined, despite being a little amused at his girlfriend. The brunette female only continued to move further away from him. Peter leaping off the bed and chasing after the girl. His sights set on retrieving his homework sheet she held. 

“Catch me, the--" the girl soon got cut off when she felt herself collapsing, in a heap of limbs on the ground. When Peter had decided to playfully tackle her down, and lay on top of her. Now it was his turn to chuckle as he felt Sierra whine and squirm from underneath him. 

Trying to get free, from his grip. She huffed in annoyance, but broke out into a fit of laughter when she felt Peter's hands move over her body, in ticklish motions. Both of their laughs loudly combining as the boy proceeded to tickle his girlfriend who was still wriggling underneath him, desperate to get free again. 

Sierra felt her eyes tear up again, biting her lip to suppress her sobs as she thought back on the memory of her and Peter. It was one of her favourite ones, that they shared together. She gently dropped her pencil and homework, shoving it to the ground beside her bed, and falling backwards onto her covers, head resting against her pillows. Before turning onto her side, to face her nightstand where lay a picture of Peter and herself. It was taken by her mother when she had invited him to Disney Land with her family, the two of them had the biggest smiles on their faces, from when they laughed at something her brother did behind the camera. 

She sniffed, breaking into another fit of sobs, tugging the framed photo into her chest. Her thoughts drifting right back onto Peter Parker, her boyfriend. Desperately, trying to control her sobs but to no luck. It wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be Peter? Those were the thoughts that most often found themselves being questioned in her mind. Constantly leaving her with no answers to them, everyday. Finally, her cries subsided at least a little. But not fully disappearing, as she was still quietly sobbing when she gently closed her eyelids, and fell fast asleep. Her thoughts remaining on only one thing: Peter Parker.


	7. Letter 4

Dear Peter

It's a strange thing. Losing someone you love dearly, with only being able to remember them through the memories you had made together. Sometimes it's still not enough, when wanting to remember someone. Which is how i feel, when every night I go to bed balling my eyes out, clutching a photo of us to my chest. The tears falling like waterfalls, down my cheeks as I'm constantly reminded of the empty void where you used to stand in the world.

Your disappearance has effected my emotions so bad, like the only two things I'm able to feel right now are sadness and grief. It's hard to comprehend that everyday when I head to school, you're not there to stick by my side. You're not there waiting for me by my lockers, and you're definitely not there in classes.

Sometimes, I think to myself 'What if this were only a horrible dream?' and then when I'd wake up the next morning, you'd be there, in person. Not wherever you are now, after you vanished, leaving me behind. I'd then be pulled back into the harsh reality, which i still haven't accepted yet.

As much as I hate to admit it out loud, I'm struggling to cope with these emotions I'm feeling. Xander and Eleanor have been constantly begging me to go to therapy to help me handle this grief. But I only shake my head and disagree with them, saying that 'I don't need help with this.' Maybe I should try, maybe they were right about needing to seek help with controlling these emotions. 

But I don't think I will get that help, as I'm scared that if I do. I won't be able to remember you at all, and even if it is possible for you to somehow be brought back, then I'd have moved on and left you heartbroken. Which I doubt is possible. I also feel like this coping method of writing to you through these 'letters' is working perfectly fine enough. 

Even though, I know you won't be able to read any of these or at least I don't think you'll be able to.

I love you.  
Sierra Kenzie.  
~  
the girl who is struggling with her emotions.


	8. Letter 5

Dear Peter  
Who would of thought? A girl so broken by the disappearance of her boyfriend. That she now relies on fake smiles, and laughs. A girl so deep in her emotions that she now refuses to even open up about them to her friends and family. 

Sometimes, I wonder why Eleanor is even still friends with me. Friends with someone who use to be this cheery and outgoing girl. But now prefers keeping to herself. Hiding away, locked inside the comfort of her bedroom. And no social interaction with anyone, except unless it involves getting food and caring for her hygiene. 

The pain still doesn't go away. I don't even want to go to sleep at times knowing that all my dreams are going to be filled with one thing, and one thing only: You. I also don't understand how others have come to cope, with the disappearance of their own loved ones. Do they cry at night? Is the pain of losing them, barely going away? What about, is it hard to even cope throughout the day, without being reminded of whoever they had lost? All these questions have been keeping me up at night. All these unanswered questions leaving me to wonder why they had decided to take you away from me. 

I just want all these thoughts to stop. I just want to have everything return back to how it was previously. Return back to the normality of our lives, where we would all laugh along with each other. You, Me, Eleanor, Ned, Betty and MJ all seated comfortably on a couch, watching whatever we felt like on TV. Snacks would along the surface of the coffee table as we would proceed to enjoy each other's company. And bright smiles would adorn all of our faces. 

But, now none of that is real. All of it feels like a distant memory, or somewhere in a faraway universe where you're still here, by my side and not wherever you are now. 

Please return. 

I love you  
Sierra Kenzie.  
~  
the girl who wants everything to return to normal.


	9. Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A-n: I wrote this chapter a while back, but never ended up posting it to A03. but I did post it to tumblr and wattpad.

Sierra wasn't sure what she was doing here. She wasn't usually one for parties at all. Especially ones run by the popular kids of Midtown High. I guess, she only came because Eleanor had begged her to, and so here she was. Standing in the living room of some stuck-up kid's home, a very thin strapped dress hugging her figure nicely and a red solo cup filled with - Sierra couldn't actually tell what alcohol it was, as she never was a big drinker. She tucked a strand of brunette hair behind her ear, with her free hand and observed the other partygoers around her. Music loudly blasting from the DJ in the corner of the room, as people either danced with their friends, or made out together in corners.

Sierra sighed gently, her eyes soon searching through the crowds of drunk teenagers for her best friend, who had seemed to of disappeared the moment they entered the house. Even though, the brunette remembered her friend would stick by her side for the party, or at least most of it. So where was she? She thought quickly.

"You don't look happy to be here." An unfamiliar voice sounded out from beside her, catching the attention of the female herself. The girl took a small sip of her beverage before turning her head to the side, where she soon spotted an unfamiliar male stood in close proximity to herself. He was attractive. She couldn't deny that, as it was painfully obvious. With his messy black hair sitting atop his head, a few curls fell in front of his face. His jawline looked as if it could cut glass, eyes a gorgeous shade of green and he just looked perfect. 

"Just not a real fan of parties..." Sierra muttered quietly, as she proceeded to swirl the remaining alcohol in her cup. Not even bothering to look up at the guy in front of her. Her mind was slowly drifting back onto Peter, who she still missed terribly. She missed his curls, and his laugh which sounded adorable when she told him a funny joke. But, most importantly she missed him. Just his usual goofy self. At those thoughts, she felt a small smile grace her features, just thinking of her boyfriend. Or...would he be considered ex boyfriend now? The girl didn't know.

"Would you like some company?" The attractive-looking male questioned curiously, a small smile adorning his own features. He looks good smiling Sierra thought suddenly, wait what? What am I thinking? The girl quickly snapped back into reality, and looked back at the boy in front of her. 

"Sorry, um sure, I'm Sierra by the way...." The brunette trailed off. She tucked another piece of her hair behind her ear, as she answered him. The ghost of a smile returning to her features slowly, as she soon took another sip from her drink. 

"Brayden."

Time flew by quickly for the two teens, as they continued to engage in conversation in the living room. As they enjoyed the remainder of the party happening around them, they seemed to be in their own little world as they ignored the other teens and proceeded to remain invested in whatever they were currently talking about. Sierra smiled then, not a fake one which she has now resorted to using in public, ever since Peter's disappearance. She showed a real, genuine smile fall into place on her features. One that both her brother and Eleanor haven't been able to get her to show. 

By the end of the night, and the party had finished a few minutes ago. Sierra managed to exchange numbers with Brayden, her new friend and stood out the front of the house. While she waited for her older brother to pick her up, considering she was a hopeless driver, and all the alcohol that had been flowing through her veins previously. The brunette let out a small sigh, her heels which Eleanor forced her to wear, were now killing her feet as she got into her brother's car. The smile she had held previously still hadn't disappeared yet, remaining on her face. This caught Xander's attention, knowing fully that all her smiles were fake now and she was rarely seen with a real one. He was confused at this, his eyebrows furrowing gently at his sister's odd behaviour.

"Sierra? Are you ok? Are you sick?" He jokingly asked, beginning to drive off along home towards their home, his sister just having finished buckling up her seatbelt as he drove. The girl in question just shrugged and muttered out a small 'No' and rested her head against the car window, staring gently at the many buildings that went by quickly that night. She was just happy that she had hopefully made a new friend, and was excitedly waiting for tomorrow, to thank her best friend for dragging her to the party. As if she hadn't gone, then she wouldn't of even showed a real smile again through her grief.


	10. Letter 6

Dear Peter

Honestly, I’m not sure how to start off with this letter. To be honest, I don’t think I was planning to write at least three of these letters when I first found about your disappearance. But, i am and it still hurts. The grief that is. It still feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest at the mere thought of you. I don’t think I’ll ever escape the pain of losing you. 

Anyways, I smiled last night. The first real smile I have ever shown since you disappeared. I wasn’t expecting too at all, as all my smiles have been false to hide my grief and pain. But, yes I smiled. It felt...great. It happened at a party I had attended last night, one that Eleanor had practically begged and dragged me to. Of course I wasn’t planning to go at first, I originally wanted to remain locked in my bedroom and either watching TV or reading a book. But I did, and i do not regret going. It felt great to be out of the house, and out of my bedroom to just enjoy the party for at least a night. 

I made a new friend there, ever since Eleanor decided to ditch me in the hall as soon as we had entered, just so she could do who knows what. I had been seated in the living room at the time, when a new presence showed beside me. It was a guy, he was quite tall and hot if I were to be honest. I wasn’t sure why he came to talk to me then, but he did. He introduced himself as Brayden, and we soon got into a conversation regarding ourselves. He was kind, and he was such a great guy too! 

I remember later that night, as i comfortably sat under the covers of my bed, I felt like texting him. I felt like ranting to him over text. I felt like ranting to him about everything going on in my life, my feelings, this grief and most importantly. You, Peter Parker. I didn’t though. I didn’t want to scare him off. Even though he seemed like such a good listener when I met him earlier. 

I guess, by meeting him and gaining Brayden as a new friend. It gave me a little bit of hope that I can move on. Move on with my life. No matter how hard it will hurt me doing so.

I love you.

Sierra Kenzie   
~   
the girl who hopes to move on.


	11. Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A-n: I'm not exactly proud of this chapter, but here's the next one. So hopefully you guys like it.

Sierra stepped out of her brother's jeep, she shut the car door behind her and pulled her backpack strap further up her shoulder. A real smile was adorning her features, instead of the usual fake one she had come to use often. The brunette glanced around the familiar surroundings of Midtown High, her hazel eyes searching for the familiarity of her best friend's blonde hair. The girl choosing to ignore the weird stares following her every move now. They probably weren't used to seeing the female so bright and with a smile now, considering the circumstances of her deceased boyfriend. What Sierra failed to notice however, was the approaching figure of Brayden. The male she met the night previously, at that senior's party. 

"Looking for someone?" The male's voice spoke questionably, causing Sierra to turn in shock to the guy behind her. Her eyes brightened at the sight of her new friend stood in front of her now. He wore a simple checkered blue and white flannel, a pair of plain black jeans and muddied Nike shoes on his feet. Not that she meant to, but the brunette took notice of how his black hair looked as if he'd been running his hands through it. A few curls fell into the front of his tanned face. 

"Just....Eleanor." She muttered quietly, but still audible enough for the male to hear her. Her hands fiddled with the ends of her bag straps, as she looked to her feet slowly. His own smile seemed to grow a little, as he proceeded to step in tow with the shorter female. Brayden directed her through the crowds of students, hurrying to get in the school's front doors in hopes to not be late. Sierra just simply followed him along, at a slower pace. As she continued to keep an eye out for the female Stark, her best friend. Small apologies fell from her lips as they continued on and into the locker-filled halls of the school. 

As the school day proceeded to drone on, it was now lunch time and Sierra pulled her backpack straps over her shoulder and walked into the cafeteria. She stepped into the room, looking over the unfamiliar faces of the other student friend groups, in search for Eleanor. When the other brunette was in sight, the girl gripped her backpack tightly and shuffled along the linoleum flooring and towards the furthest lunch table. The very table at the back of the lunchroom, where Eleanor Stark was sat comfortably. The female was adorned in a simple maroon-plaid skirt, white converse and white cropped t-shirt. A leather jacket thrown over her shoulders, as she leaned over a few of her textbooks in front of her, in order to get some last minute studying in for a test she had soon. 

Once the Kenzie girl had finally walked over, she took a seat opposite her best friend, set her backpack atop the table and pulled out her lunch. A simple peanut butter sandwich. She sighed, and took a small bite of the food she now held. Catching the attention of Eleanor, with her presence, as she had now looked up from the mountain of text books in front of her. Her eyebrows furrowed slowly in confusion at first, before smirking. As she noticed her best friend, glance discreetly - or what Sierra had hoped was discreet - at the black-haired boy a few tables down. The same boy who hung with Sierra at the party. 

"So..Brayden?" Eleanor teased, her smirk only growing bigger at Sierra's flustered state she was now in. Her eyes glanced quickly at the male before returning to settle on the girl chewing slowly on her lunch in front of her. The girl who was now trying to hide her red cheeks with her long locks of hair. 

"What ever happened to and I quote - 'I don't want to move on, I just want Peter." She started again, only getting Sierra to roll her eyes and scoff quietly as a reaction. The smirk grew wider on Eleanor's face at this, as her brunette friend muttered out something like 'I never said that!' before shoving another bite of her sandwich in her mouth again. The Stark female only nodded slowly, not buying that response for a second. Already recalling when exactly, the girl has said those exact words. As well as, the number of times she has caught them slipping from Sierra's lips. 

"Plus, we're just friends. Met when you ditched me at that party." Sierra managed out, after swallowing her mouthful. Eleanor only chuckled smugly, and returned her gaze back to the textbook cracked open in front of her. The girl simply letting out a few sentences in response which sounded like a: 'Well....it worked didn't it?' and 'You finally smiled again, Thanks to me!'


	12. Letter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a-n: I legit just wrote whatever popped into my head, and tried to have it make sense. so enjoy this chapter...I guess.

Dear Peter 

Honestly, I was not expecting to begin to write this many letters to you. When in reality, they just get shoved into a shoebox underneath my bed for nobody to see. But It hasn't stopped me from imagining that wherever you are now, you are reading each letter I have written specifically for you. I guess, the reason I haven't stopped with writing each letter is to cure my feelings and it's become some sort of a coping mechanism now. Which is odd considering ever since I found out about you disappearing, I went into a small state of denial where I was believing that you'd return and wouldn't leave me alone in this world. I had simply had hope that it was all a dream. 

I had soon felt this hope fizzle out, as week-by-week I stood inside my bedroom, staring. Just staring at the picture frame, I had settled on my nightstand. When i came to the realisation that you were gone, you weren't coming back. The very photo on the nightstand which consisted of me and you, it was one of my favourites. The day you had asked me to be your girlfriend. I wore a cream-coloured t-shirt and paired it with a pair of denim jeans. You'd given me a heart-shaped necklace to resemble the start of our relationship and I also remembered you promising that you'd stick by my side forever. Or at least however long forever was for us. We both didn't realise then how short we would have together. And god, I wish that I could go back in time to warn you about the future. If only you hadn't gone after that stupid donut-shaped spaceship and stayed on the bus, you'd still be here. With me. 

Anyways, do you remember? Remember the time when we were still friends, and hadn't started dating yet. I had just turned twelve years old at the time, and had invited a bunch of kids from our school over for a sleepover. But nobody had showed up, nobody except you, Eleanor and Ned. I remember I had tears trailing down my cheeks as I opened the front door, only to be disappointed that no one else had shown up. I remember you gave me the biggest hug as you guys entered, and gave me that dorky smile I loved seeing on you. That stupid smile you possessed which made butterflies flutter all around my stomach. I then easily remembered how you took me into my living room with others. 

You switched on the television and we binge watched all the Star Wars movies that day, in hopes to cheer me up. It worked obviously, and that was the day I realised I had a crush on you, Peter. I had always favoured that memory and cherished it forever. I'm not sure why, but i guess it had to do with the fact that I always loved how no matter how bad the day, you could always make me happy. That was just one of the many things I loved about you. 

And now that you're gone, I am not sure what to do with myself. Sure, I showed a real smile again. All thanks to Brayden, whom I had met a while ago. But the pain of this grief still hasn't disappeared and I'm not sure how long until it does. It's almost been a year since you had left, and I feel like I'm still falling apart. And although the road to moving on, can be quite rough. I still feel like there is this massive weight crashing down on me, a heavy weight stopping me from leaving you into the past. Maybe if I just had a chance to say goodbye, things would be a whole lot easier. 

I still love you.   
Sierra Kenzie 

~   
the girl who is stuck with only memories.


	13. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A-N: I literally rushed this chapter so much. And I still don't like it that much, but i wanted to get it out already.

Sierra stood, clad in her pajama wear and stared sadly into the mirror. Her right hand was clutched around the heart-shaped necklace hung around her neck, as she reminisced over when times seemed to be simpler and not so painfully hurtful. She felt a tear trickle down the side of her cheek, as the mirror in front of her showcased her saddened expression. Her thoughts were running a mile-a-minute as she stood there, picturing and imagining the figure of her Peter stood behind her, his arm awkwardly tossed over her shoulder. His head gently rested on her shoulder, as he comforted her from behind. Oh, how Sierra missed the familiar warmth of his hugs. The familiarity which was him pulling her into one, in order to just comfort her.

The loud sounds of cars and trucks from the road outside her home, was only a distant background noise. As the brunette female stood in her own little world, tucking a lock of her brunette hair behind her ear. Another tear fell down, followed by another until she was full-on crying. Her mind switching from memory to memory only leaving the girl sadder than before. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that no matter how hard she tried, she could never even pretend to act as if she wasn't thinking of Peter every minute of every day. And even If she did, it didn't last too long either. A sad sigh slipped past her lips as she watched her reflection in the mirror stare back at her, and found herself slipping into another memory.  
❤  
The doorbell to the Kenzie family's medium-sized, two story home rang out, signalling that they had a visitor at the door. Sierra upon hearing it, dropped her hairbrush back onto her vanity and rushed out of her bedroom and downstairs to answer the front door. Knowing that she was the only one home at that very moment. She passed along the corridor which held many family portraits of herself and her brother over the years, each one leaving them with simple memories, before she finally reached the doorway to outside. Gently, her pale hand connected with the door knob and twisted it, until it had revealed the familiar face of one of her best friends and longtime crush, Peter Parker. He stood out there patiently, wearing something which simply said casual but not too over the top either. Sierra couldn't help but blush very faintly as she took in his appearance. 

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, quickly. Suddenly holding his hand out to the female in front of himself, to which the girl gladly accepted. Sierra nodded her head once, as the two teens soon made their way out of the brunette girl's front garden, and onto the busy and packed streets of Queens, New York. 

Laughter could probably be heard around for miles, as it followed the two best friends all around their walk. Hands connected, as they swung them gently between their bodies while they told each other jokes and every so often pointed to the nearby scenery. Till eventually it began getting dark, and they stopped outside of a nearby Chinese takeaway joint to get some food. Due to their stomachs practically rumbling from hungriness. At this point in time, when the two brunettes eventually ordered and received their meal from the food restaurant, the fresh smell of their fried rice hit their nostrils. It had soon turned to night, with the beautiful twinkling stars and the moon now taking up residence in the sky. 

The sky was gorgeous. Sierra thought quickly, her gaze found itself directing up where the sky was above them, and taking in its beauty of it all. Peter took the time to observe the girl beside him. His own hand briefly disconnected from hers, shifted the bag of food in his other one, and he dug into the pocket of his jeans in search of the item he wanted. He soon pulled out a remarkable red, heart shaped necklace from the confines of the fabric. All the while still admiring the beautiful brunette before him. Nervous butterflies were soon found in the pit of his stomach as he muttered out a short, yet quiet call of the girl's name to catch her attention. Which luckily it had, because Sierra had managed to shift her attention from the starry sky and onto Peter beside her. 

"I wanted to give you this." He spoke, nervously. Extending the arm which held the necklace box out to Sierra, as a small embarrassed smile fell to form on his features. "Because I kind of like you....and want you to be my girlfriend?"

The brunette girl blushed deeply, at what he had said. But nevertheless collected the item from him and managed to pull it out of the box to clasp it around her neck. Her eyes widened at how pretty she thought it was. It in no way was expensive either, it only looked it, but the boy had somehow managed to buy it from the store for a reasonable price. Sierra loved it though, as she soon allowed Peter to clasp it together behind her neck. The heart amulet at the front, looked nice with her outfit she wore. Which was just a plain white t-shirt and pair of ripped denim jeans. 

"I'd love to be your girlfriend." She eventually managed to get out in response to his earlier question. Their hands intertwining slowly together, with larger smiles decorating their features once again as they stared into each other's beautiful eyes.   
❤  
Sierra reopened her eyes once the memory faded away from her mind, another sigh slipping out. Her face held a frown with a few stray tears left over on her cheeks from the crying she suffered only moments previously. She moved her gaze towards the necklace clutched tightly in her hands at the constant reminder of her boyfriend, she wore each day. Before she suddenly did the unexpected, and she dropped it. The small necklace fell quickly to the ground with a thud. The heart amulet shattering into small pieces against her wooden flooring. She didn't know what gave her the idea to drop it. Or why she even followed through with it. But she did, and now a few minutes after. She quickly regretted it. One of the only pieces of jewellery she had gotten from Peter, she had ruined and broken.


	14. Letter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A-n: sorry if this is kinda short, I wanted to hurry and get it out.

Dear Peter

It's officially been a year since you had disappeared from the world, and out of my life. I slowly have been smiling more and more each day, as the time has passed. But it still doesn't hide the fact that behind closed doors, my walls will come crashing down and the tears would flood out rapidly. Like they're unable to be stopped. I don't understand why everytime I try to even attempt to move on. Cause hell, I have started trying. But, the previous wounds would begin to unravel and reopen once more. It's like there's a tiny voice stuck in my head telling me that I'm not allowed to move on. That because you are no longer here with us, it means that I'm not allowed to be happy without you.

Brayden and I have been hanging out more recently now. He's a great guy and honestly pretty handsome too, if I am being honest. But, like not that I'm ready to go for someone else anytime soon. We're simply only friends. He's become one of my best friends since that party, alongside Eleanor of course. You would have liked him, Peter. He seems to also be as big of a star-wars loving dork as you were, which i was surprised about. Sometimes just being in his presence now, makes a smile form onto my features, one like I'd get whenever I was around you. That is something that not even Eleanor or my brother has been able to get from me. And that's saying a lot, considering the amount of times they had tried to get me to smile, which only resulted in them failing. 

It's hard, I put so much effort into trying to be my old self now, but every time I do. I always find my thoughts landing back onto you. Like you're some kind of weight I cannot, no matter how hard I try to remove from my shoulders. I want to desperately know that, even if you gave me some kind of sign that your spirit is still out there, then maybe just maybe I could find it in me to finally leave you into the past. As I am now sick and tired of everyone I know, treating me like I'm this fragile and breakable glass object. That if they say or do something to upset me, and bring up anything which resolves around you. I'll just shatter into pieces near them. You always knew what to say, whenever I was feeling down or upset. I only wish that I could be once more in the comfort of your arms as you held me to your chest, and allowed me to cry till no more tears would fall. 

I just want you back, Peter. If only a moment was all I needed, to know that I'm safe and loved in this cruel world. I just want you to hold me and take care of me, like you would whenever I had gotten sick before. Is that too much to ask for?

I still love you.  
Sierra Kenzie  
~  
the girl who just wants you to return.


End file.
